"Essay R" Feedback

If i was revising "Essay R", I would tell the author to change many of the grammatical errors. I would also show the author how to incorporate more outside sources. The paper is not bad for a rough draft, but it needs a lot of work. The paper needs to talk more about the 1980s wrestling. There are many small mistakes that should be corrected like using "80" and "eighty". The supporting paragraphs need to discuss only one topic at a time. The paragraphs need to compare or contrast modern day wrestling to it's 1980s counterpart. The flow of the paper is a little choppy, but the author can read the sentences aloud to find better ways to rephrase his words. Overall, with a little more work and some careful proofreading, "Essay R" can become a better paper.